Thoughts on Change and Uncertainty

There was a storm raging in Athens last night. We had been warned about its arrival but, still, the gales that roared, banging the tents on the balcony rails and causing a hauling reverberation inside the house, brought forth distress and an inexplicable feeling of vulnerability. Rain-filled gusts attacked buildings and trees alike, and the sound of the cascading water competed only with the moaning of all living and lifeless things that bravely bore the assailing of the elements.

I lay in my bed with the walls of my room numbing the thundering noise and offering an illusion of stillness. The wind was violently slashing my plants – I could hear the susurration of piles of plucked leaves slithering on the tiles – and, yet, I was feeling solid, untouched, and unaffected, for it is in our nature to resist change and pretend that amidst our perpetually evolving surroundings, we are the grounding force of stability.

Undoubtedly, the proverbial winds of change – sometimes soft as a breeze, others bitter like a blizzard – forge our existence, sanding off the edges, revealing meanings and purposes. In the process, they also expose our weaknesses and this, invariably, takes us by surprise. Over the centuries, we have managed to turn our mortality into the source of our magnificence, and we so frequently marvel on the deception of our invincibility that, when we are finally humbled, we remain astounded by our lack of control.

Five years ago, I decided to put a full stop in my corporate career and revise my overall way of living, commencing an experiment of self-imposed change, carefully monitoring the ripple effects of its impact. My choice was often labelled as “brave”, though I fail to see why it differed from decisions of similarly uncertain outcomes like getting married, starting a family, moving to another country, or launching an entrepreneurial initiative. As a species, we have always been experimenting with new things, so, by now, we should feel more confident about new beginnings and unpredictable results. Still, our fears usually outweigh the worst possible outcome of our enterprises, and we tend to favour the limbo of our inertia despite the famed asset of our faculties.

I often wonder whether part of this discomfort and insecurity derives from the binding responsibility that we are called to assume. Changes are expected to happen anyway, but it feels more comfortable when we believe we do not have control over them. Like children, we tend to blame someone else – even Life herself – for events that are perceived as unwelcome, and we enjoy reminiscing with nostalgia the “better” days of yore, so much so that even at the dawn of the new era after the Agricultural Revolution, we preferred to lament over the more relaxed life of the foragers, preserving this grief in the Fall from the Garden of Eden fable. Admittedly, it is challenging – even formidable – to accept change on our guard and acknowledge that we are active – rather than passive – creators of our present and future. But, when we put all fears aside, this is who we were always meant to be.

Those few who consciously choose to walk on an untrodden path inflicting change on themselves and others, frequently find that the road less travelled is a lonely one. Even in the archetypal stories, a walk in the woods may be intercepted by friendly or hostile spirit-guides but rarely does one find a fellow co-traveller to share the anguish of the unknown. There is safety within the pack and comfort in the social cuddling in which we engage for millennia, hence, deliberately choosing to stand aside is onerous and heartbreaking. Five years down my road, I do not think it is so much the uncertainty inherent in every change that ultimately prevents us from launching into an adventure but the loneliness that is almost guaranteed in the beginning. This is the point when notions like “passion” and “vision” – words that have become so cliché they have almost been rendered meaningless – may prove helpful, for the belief in a future conception may be our sole companion on those days that the path is invisible. When the vision though is as blurry as the road ahead, one has only the fragile strand of an intention to hold on – and this is brave indeed.

Although over these past years I have been surrounded by a few people supportive of my experiment – at least to the degree they could comprehend it – I soon realised that I had to let go of all those who used to be my community and could not follow anymore. While on the lookout for a new tribe, I often found myself receding to solitude when the prevailing sentiments around me became too unsuitable to bear. Nature turned into my succouring companion, and many of my adventures unfolded on mountains, plains, and seas that proved to be the peaceful and nurturing background that I needed. Surprisingly, though, it was humanity in its entirety that offered me meaning and inspiration, even when individual interactions of any significance remained scarce.

While sketching this new reality of mine, I found solace in writing, documenting my inner and outer explorations as I continued travelling around the world. Many view my articles as mere travel blogs and sources of information about the places I have visited. On the surface, this is correct; however, the urge to log these experiences derives not only from the need to keep the memories alive but, most importantly, from my admiration and gratitude for what our fragile and, yet, brilliant species has achieved. Everything I encounter – beautiful or abominable – is one more tangible example of our evolutionary trajectory and, once I raise the blinds that limit my vision to the “here” and “now”, I can only stand in awe in front of our stamina, determination, and creativity.

Ultimately, this process of retrieving and decoding parts of my broader, human heritage that remain scattered like stardust in time and space feels like a treasure-hunt game that completes and defines me, turning my essays into crumbs pointing the way towards a more profound comprehension of our existence. In times of change, when uncertainty and insecurity seem to be the norm, rediscovering ourselves through the essence of our humanity is not only fulfilling and inspirational but it also acts as the gravitational force on which we can eagerly clutch. And when one needs to build the necessary faith to face the unknown, I have found this truth to be nothing less than a miracle.

Photo credits: © Konstantina Sakellariou

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